Update

I know that it's been a few days since I last posted an update, but I have been trying to keep myself busy and preoccupied and it's obviously been working! :)

For the most part, I am feeling much better physically now that my treatment has stopped. My stomach cramps are completely gone and my appetite is back, which helps me to not feel so depleted. I still feel incredibly tired, but am able to actually get by some days without a nap. I have also started exercising again (albeit slowly), which is incredibly therapeutic for me.

The bad news is that I am also feeling some of the effects of radiation more intensely now than I did during treatment. Suffice it to say that my insides are feeling a bit raw and sore. Plus, I have lost almost all taste in my mouth, which is a huge bummer since I crave certain foods but they are completely unsatisfying when I cannot taste them. The nurse told me that the first 10 days after treatment are the worst and then my body will start to heal and feel better. I am not in any hurry, though....In a weird way, the fact that I am having really strong symptoms is a GOOD thing. I definitely felt a bit panicked when the treatment first ended ("But Doctor, I am not crawling yet...how can you be stopping the treatments??"), and so having these aches and pains helps me to remember that the radiation and chemo are still doing their job.

But unfortunately, while the physical symptoms have gotten to be more manageable, the emotional symptoms have definitely gotten harder. I have more time on my hands now that I don't go into the doctor every day and am not napping as often, and time is not a good thing to have in my situation. Time is what enables my mind to wander, and sometimes my mind wanders down paths that are incredibly dark and scary. For all that I have been through in life, I have never experienced anything as stressful and overwhelming as having cancer and so I definitely feel "out of my league" in terms of having the right coping skills to deal with the multitude of emotions that come with the territory. Because of this, I went to see a therapist today who specializes in oncology. It was really helpful and I think that I will keep seeing her at least until my upcoming CT/PET scan and my surgery. Hopefully, she will be able to teach me some ways to navigate through these difficult times without completely falling apart, because there are definitely moments when I feel like that is what is going to happen.

So overall, I guess I am doing okay. Not great, but okay. I just try to take things day by day, moment by moment.