My "Magic Potion"

I had lunch last week with my good friend, Randy. He is actually an old boss of mine from about 7 years ago (although he will probably argue that, in actuality, I was more his boss! Ha!) but we have stayed good friends since then and get together periodically to catch up on life. One of the things that I adore most about Randy is that he is extremely creative and one of the smartest people I know. Every time we get together, I find myself thinking about life in a different way -- which I thoroughly enjoy. Our lunch last week was no exception!

This whole time, I have been referring to my chemo drugs as "poison." It's hard not to, given how crappy I feel for days afterwards. But Randy suggested that I instead think of them as "potion." I love that! There is no getting around the fact that the word "poison" has only negative connotations. In fact, the dictionary lists the following description:

poi·son /ˈpɔɪzən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciat[poi-zuhn]
1. a substance with an inherent property that tends to destroy life or impair health.
2. something harmful or pernicious, as to happiness or well-being.

By comparison, "potion" is defined as:

po·tion /ˈpoʊʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[poh-shuhn]
1. a drink or draft, especially one having or reputed to have medicinal or magical powers. examples: a love potion or sleeping potion.

So much nicer, don't you think? And much more accurate, I believe. I trust my doctors...really, I do!! And as much as I kid around with them, I know that they are not actually trying to kill me (it just feels that way.) In fact, quite the opposite is true: the chemo drugs that they are giving me will ultimately save my life. But I feel like "saving my life" is just the beginning. This whole cancer experience has given me such a new outlook on life. I remember back in April when I was panicking about my surgery, I decided to go and see a therapist who specializes in treating cancer patients. During one of our sessions, she mentioned that, in Latin, the word cancer means "chaos." She uses this interpretation to help motivate her clients to think about their lives differently and to help them work toward making necessary changes at the same time that they are going through treatment. That way, when the treatment is over, their lives will ideally be better aligned with their values, etc than before. When she first asked me to think about my own life in this context, however, I really struggled. The thing is, before my diagnosis, I was really, really happy. I had a beautiful family, wonderful friends, an interesting and well-paying job, and great life/work balance. There was not much that I could think of changing. But, in these past 8 months, I have come to find that my eyes have been opened to a new way of looking at life. Cancer treatment has afforded me loads of time to think about what I really want to accomplish in life and what values I want to emulate for my children. And "standing on the precipice," facing mortality head-on, and then being afforded the chance to step back from the edge is a tremendous life motivator. The chemo treatments wipe me out physically, but somehow leave my mind fairly intact (although Pete might disagree with me on this point! Ha!) and so I find myself brainstorming all the ways that I can better combine my passions, my skills and my values so that, once I am done with everything, I can move seamlessly into a new, more fulfilling way of life. Just thinking about this "new" life makes my soul smile!

And so I believe that Randy is right: Poison could never bring about such wonderful transformation. The chemo drugs must be magic potion!