Preliminary Results

Man-oh-man, it is wonderful to have friends in high places at times like this!!!

My neighbor, Tim (who is the liver specialist at UCSF) remembered that Friday was my scan date and so he logged into the UCSF system before leaving work on Friday to get access to my results. He called me shortly afterwards to let me know that everything looks great!! WOOOOOO HOOOOOO!!! And then, right after I hung up with him, Dr Poen called me as well to also share the results. In fact, he started the whole conversation by saying, "So, do you want to hear some great news?"

Apparently, the official radiology report indicates that there is "no sign of metastatic disease." This means that (1) there were no "surprises" (e.g., no other lesions that popped up anywhere in my body) AND (2) the spot on my liver did not light up (again) in the PET scan and appears to be the same exact size, which means that it's likely not cancerous. That is what I have been trying to tell everyone -- it's just a freckle!!! The report also shows that the main tumor "lit up" only about 1/10 of what it did during my earlier scan. Dr Poen's take on this is that either the tumor is completely gone, but there is still inflammation in the area (inflamed tissue also "lights up" on a PET) or that the tumor is still there but it has shrunk significantly. Either way, it's great news since the cancer clearly responded to the treatment. If the Bitch ain't gone yet, she is definitely on her way out!

So net-net, Pete and I are feeling extremely relieved and cautiously optimistic. Neither Tim nor Dr Poen would comment on what they think Dr Warren (the liver oncologist) will say about the results and whether or not he will still want to investigate the spot on my liver further during surgery. Nor did they comment on what this means with regards to my actual surgery and the post-surgery chemo protocol. And so we'll have to wait until our appointments on Wednesday with Dr Warren and the surgeon to get these questions answered, but at least we can go into these meetings much less anxious.

The funny thing is, the great results really didn't surprise me. I have had such a strong inner sense this whole time that the cancer had not metastasized and that everything was going to be fine. That's not to say that I haven't had moments of doubt; moments when I have thought "But what if I am wrong!! What if I don't really know my own body??!" But I think that 95% of the time, I have felt very positive about things. I think that is why, during the actual scan (which lasted about 45 minutes), I fell asleep. I'm not joking! I actually took a short nap during the scan and woke up feeling very refreshed. Ha, ha, ha!! I think this speaks to how relaxed and confident I was about the results. I also think that it reinforces my belief that our minds and our bodies really are interconnected and that something cannot be going on in our bodies without our minds knowing, and vice versa. The trick is to quiet the mind enough from all of life's distractions in order to listen and to also have the courage to embrace what is actually being said, rather than hearing what we want to hear.