No Doubts

Pete and I went for a "last chance" hike/run today in the Marin Headlands. As we were running, I found myself reflecting on the multitude of emotions that have flowed through my body today...

Determination...Optimism...Nervousness...Courage...Fear...
Sadness...Anxiety...Strength...Hope...

The most exhausting part of it all is that these emotions would each cycle through me about once every half hour -- I felt like I was on a never-ending roller coaster!! As we were nearing the end of the trail, though, I had an incredible realization: despite the many emotions coursing through me all day long, never once did I experience any "doubt". The thought really struck me....I didn't have any doubt!

Yes, I am terrified about my surgery. It's pretty major surgery...I think that I'd be a bit wacky to not be scared. But being scared about the surgery and the possible complications and the pain afterwards is completely different than having doubt about whether it will actually work. And that is the part that I realized never crossed my mind. The thought never occurred to me to have doubt as to whether or not the cancer would be gone. I think that I just have such a sense of peace in my heart that everything will be fine and so my mind didn't even bother with such emotions. It was truly a beautiful epiphany for me and it definitely put a bit of spring in my step!