My Friend, Bonnie

I have a very sweet and dear friend, Bonnie, who has been battling leukemia for the past 4 years. Every time I see her, I am reminded of a small pixie fairy, for Bonnie is small boned, with short cropped black hair, and a constant twinkle in her eye. The only thing that she is missing is a magic pixie wand -- if she had one, I am confident that we would see her flutter around creating fun mischief and magic! Bonnie is also one of the most giving people I have ever known. She is one of the first people whom I called when I learned of my cancer diagnosis and she immediately sprang into action. In fact, I remember her first voice message back to me said "I'm here for you. Hang in there until we can talk. Everything will be fine. I called my oncologist and here are the names of doctors who you must meet at UCSF -- they are the best." I think that Bonnie knew, as only another cancer patient can, how incredibly overwhelming the first few weeks post-diagnosis can be and she reached out immediately and earnestly to help.

The bulk of what Bonnie and I talked about initially centered around my treatment: the pros/cons of being treated at UCSF versus a community hospital, the role of the various doctors (e.g., what the heck is a radiation oncologist and how is he different than a chemo oncologist), what chemo feels like, what radiation feels like, etc. Bonnie had been through it all! Two years ago, when her leukemia resurfaced, she had a cord blood transplant (which is the same idea as a bone marrow transplant, but more cutting edge). In order to perform this sort of procedure, she was basically taken as close to the brink of death as is humanly possible and then given a "new life." Literally...Bonnie now has a different blood type than she did before!

Once we had navigated through all of my "logistical" questions, though, our conversations slowly turned to the emotional side of having cancer. How do you actually get through this? I asked. How in the world do you stay strong when faced with a daunting prognosis? Please tell me how I keep from crumbling into a useless heap of tears?!? I will always remember what Bonnie said. She told me that the one thing she knew with all her heart is that she wanted to fight her leukemia with grace. She understood that there is so much about cancer that is unknown; so much that is out of the patient or the doctors' control. But Bonnie realized -- and taught me -- that the one thing that can be controlled is our reaction to cancer. Bonnie didn't know whether or not she would survive to see her two young children grow up (her girls are now ages 6 and 4), but she felt adamantly that she wanted them both to always know that she faced her "mountain" with grace. And she has!!

I feel blessed to have been taught this lesson early on. I am sure that there are some cancer patients who flounder for weeks or even months, unable to pick themselves up off the ground and move forward in their life, and I am glad that I was shown a different path. I have had so many people tell me that the way I have handled my own cancer diagnosis has been an inspiration, but I owe so much of my response to Bonnie. She has been my teacher, my friend, my "sherpa" as I ascend my own mountain.

Unfortunately, Bonnie just received bad news this week: her leukemia has come back again. She is being sustained through the weekend on blood transfusions so that she can celebrate her daughter's 6th birthday, but then she is headed back to the hospital next week for more chemo. And, unfortunately, she has one hell of a mountain to climb this time. Cancer that has re-occurred is never easy to treat. By definition, cancer that has come back was resistant to the first round of chemo (or else it would already be dead) and so different drugs -- if they are even available -- must be used. But I know Bonnie and I know that she is a fighter. And I know that if there is a way to beat this cancer down again, she will find it. And I also know that regardless of which path Bonnie's life takes her down, she will go gracefully with a twinkle in her eye. And there is so much I can learn from this....So much I can learn...