My Friend, Bern

Bernadette passed away this morning. It's been almost two years since she was diagnosed. She leaves behind a loving husband and five children (ages 2-12 years.)

Many months ago, I went to church and my pastor gave a homily in which he said that none of us can survive in this world alone. He talked about how important friends and family are in life and that we need to surround ourselves with loved ones on our journey. He used the analogy of a flock of birds which fly in V-Formation. He explained that, for a while, one bird will take the lead and provide an easier flight for all the other birds who fly behind. And then, when that bird gets tired, she will move to the back and the next bird will move forward to carry the burden for awhile. When I returned home after hearing this sermon, I wrote to Bern. I told her that we were part of the same flock; that we would always fly together and help each other to shoulder the burden of cancer.

Last week, when I heard that she was not doing well, I wrote her. I reminded her of our pact and I told her that I was so, so sorry that I was never able to shoulder as much of the burden as her. She was never able to move from the point -- I was never able to provide her any relief from the exhaustion and pain of fighting her cancer, and it breaks my heart to think of how much pain she had to endure -- both physically and emotionally -- these past 22 months. In my note, I thanked Bern for the inspiration and determination that she demonstrated, since there were days that I definitely coasted behind her and was able to fly more easily because of her.

I cannot believe that she is gone. I cannot get my bearings -- I just keep crying and crying. I'll write again soon.