Thanksgiving Day, 2008

It's 10pm on Thanksgiving day and I am incredibly exhausted (but in the best way possible -- too much great food, too much fun, too much engaging conversation with great friends, etc). Despite this, though, I still feel compelled to write.

It's been almost 3 months since the last time I posted anything on my blog. I have come back here a number of times meaning to write something, but I never have. I think mostly because it's been a very difficult Fall for me; I lost 4 friends to cancer in the past 3 months. Rebecca was the first, then Bernadette, then a friend from Chicago (who also had stage 3 colon cancer that eventually became stage 4) and, lastly, another colon cancer pen pal named Elika, whom I have written about in the past. By far, Elika's death affected me the most. She was diagnosed within days of my own diagnosis and we went through the same exact treatment in lock-step. Unfortunately, Elika's cancer came back with a vengence only months after we both underwent our second surgeries. She learned in July that she had relapsed and she passed away in October.

I have spent a great deal of time lately thinking about life and thinking about all that I have to be thankful for. I have no idea why these four women (5 including my friend, Bonnie) did not survive cancer and yet somehow I have. I will leave my theories on this for a later date -- one when I am not so tired -- but for now, I just wanted to share a moment from my Thanksgiving today:

Pete and I and the boys spent Thanksgiving dinner with our neighbors -- a really wonderful couple named Joel and Judy -- and all of their family and close friends. During dinner, Joel asked us each to take a moment and speak about what we are most thankful for this past year. When my turn came, I spoke without a moment's hesistation, "I know exactly what I am thankful for -- this past year has made everything crystal clear for me: I am thankful to be alive. I am thankful to be healthy again. I am thankful for my beautiful family. And I am thankful for all of the wonderful friends who surround me in my life." I don't think that, in words, these are any different than what I would have said in years prior to my cancer diagnosis. I have always been grateful for being alive, I have always loved my family, etc. But I think that the difference now is that I came so close to losing all of these things. And I have had the painful experience five times now of seeing friends who did lose these things, and so when I make these statements now, I say them with the knowledge and wisdom of knowing that there is nothing else in life that is more important. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. As long as I have the four things that I spoke about at dinner -- life, health, family and friends -- I am truly blessed and there is nothing else I need.

It's been exactly one year since I finished all of my chemo treatments and I remember this time last year thinking how perfectly fitting it is that every Thanksgiving for the rest of my life I will be able to pause and reflect on just how blessed I am. This Thanksgiving was the first of what I hope are many, many more of these Thanksgivings to come.