My Next CT/PET Scan

For anyone still keeping track, today is my next CT/PET scan. I am leaving in just a few minutes for my appointment and I have very mixed emotions....The right (or is it the left?) side of my brain -- whichever side is more logical -- tells me that I feel great and that I am super healthy and strong again. It reminds me that I worked out like crazy while on vacation these past 5 weeks and never once felt too tired or sick to keep going. And it reminds me that I had zero lymph node involvement last year after my surgery and that the cancer cells the pathologist found were "well differentiated" (which is the best scenario possible, for those who don't speak medical mumbo-jumbo). And it reminds me that I fought like freaking hell all last year, and while a noble fight can't save everyone, it definitely helps. Ninety-eight percent of the time, my right brain rules and I feel confident that everything will be just fine. The other 2% of the time, however, my more emotional left brain swoops in. And I am reminded that cancer is arbitrary and ruthless. I am reminded that Rebecca just died of colon cancer and that it's been almost a year since my dear friend, Bonnie, died of cancer. And I am bitterly reminded that my dear friend, Bernadette (the one with breast cancer that was originally diagnosed with lung cancer) is likely going to lose her battle very, very soon and will leave behind five beautiful children when this happens. And it reminds me that my pen pal, Elika (who went through treatment for stage 3 colon cancer at the EXACT same time as me) has already relapsed. In mid-July, the doctors found that the cancer had spread to her brain, lungs and abdomen already. And it reminds me that Tony Snow had a relapse after TWO years and so, even if this scan comes back clean, I am still not out of the woods. And so all of these reminders are what over-ride the logical part of my brain and make me panic.

Right this second, as I head off for my scan, my right brain is definitely in control -- I feel great, I feel confident, I KNOW that the scan will be clean. Stay tuned to see if I am right.