Further Next Steps

The other "next step" that I forgot to mention in my last blog entry is that, now that I am basically done with chemo, I get to move into "monitoring mode." This means that I go back to see Dr Gullion (chemo oncologist) and Dr Poen (radiation oncologist) in one month for my first post-treatment check-up. At that point, they will check my blood counts to make sure that everything is moving back toward normal and they will lay out a rough monitoring schedule going forward.

As Dr Gullion explained to us today, there are basically four possible scenarios of what can happen now:

1) The cancer could be completely gone and will never come back again. As far as I am concerned, this is really the only option, but for the sake of thoroughness, I'll share the other scenarios as well...

2) The cancer might come back in the same place. He explained that this is virtually impossible for me, though, since the tumor was basically gone by the time that I had surgery and also because Dr Garcia-Aguilar (my surgeon) removed all of the cancerous tissue plus much of the surrounding tissue during surgery. So Dr Gullion admitted that the chance of this scenario happening to me is "essentially non-existent." I love that!

3) Additional polyps might appear in other parts of my colon. He explained that it takes about 18 months for a polyp to appear and another 18 months for it to become cancerous. Hence the need for yearly colonoscopy appointments so that we can "nip these in the bud," so to speak, before they turn monsterous.

4) Future scans sometimes reveal metastatic cancer spots on the liver or elsewhere. For me, this would mean that somehow some of the cancer cells miraculously survived everything that we have thrown at them these past 9 months and migrated into the blood stream. This would obviously not be good and so, again, it's not an option, as far as I am concerned.

According to Dr Gullion, the most important years will be the next five. In general, if one of the last three scenarios is going to happen, it generally happens within five years for colon cancer patients (the same is not true for all cancers.) If I can make it to Thanksgiving 2012 without any reoccurance then my chances of the cancer coming back approach 0%. I love the fact that Thanksgiving will forever anchor the anniversary of my completion of cancer treatment since it's such an appropriate occasion for celebrating life.

What Next?

So I went in for my eighth and LAST chemo session this morning. Ironically, it almost didn't happen! Apparently, my white blood count is low (despite the extra bonus week that I got and despite the Neupogen shots) and Dr Gullion said that my liver function is also a bit abnormal. He was not surprised by either of these results given what I have been through, and I got the impression that, had this not been my last cycle, he would have delayed me again. Luckily, he didn't and we pressed forward. Hallelujah!!!

I actually cannot believe that I made it through all eight cycles of chemo -- when I came out of surgery five months ago, I was so depleted that I literally could not imagine how the heck I was going to make it to this day. It seemed like such an overwhelmingly daunting climb. I think that I am still in a state of shock, to be honest. The reality of being done hasn't really sunk in yet. This is probably partly because I am not exactly QUITE done yet...there are still a couple more things that still need to happen before I can say that I am truly at the top of this crazy mountain. Specifically, I am technically still undergoing chemo as I write this -- I have my continuous pump of 5-FU attached and won't get "unhooked" until this Wednesday.

Also, I still need to have two more surgeries. One of the surgeries is fairly minor (I need to remove the "caribiner"/port that I had implanted many moons ago.) The other surgery I am calling "Colon - Part 2." While this surgery is not as minor as the port-removal will be, it is supposedly much less intense than my abdominal surgery in June. I'll spare you the details, but I basically need to have some final adjustments made to my colon so that everything works properly. I knew in June that I would need to have this "Part 2" surgery done at some point, but I just couldn't think about it (and so didn't write about it) until now. I think that my mind could only process small bits of the journey at once, and now that chemo is almost completely behind me, I can open my mind to this next -- and truly last! -- section of the climb.

My surgeon says that I can have the surgery done at any point after Thanksgiving (he wants my body to be able to heal from chemo until then), but I decided that I need a longer break. I don't want to even think about cancer during the holidays and I certainly don't want to spend any time in the hospital (apparently, I'll be in for about 5 days again -- ugh!) All I want to do for the next couple months is relax, work on healing my poor body, gain some weight back (what a perfect time of year to be trying to gain weight, don't you think??) and just enjoy the magic of the holiday season with my family and friends. And so, since there is really no rush, I decided to hold off on both surgeries until early January.

So this is where we are...Today was a milestone day, no doubt. I feel like the most difficult sections of my mountain are behind me and I can finally breathe a slight sigh of relief. The top of my mountain is clearly in sight now, and I have faith that I will be there very soon. But for now, I am completely and utterly exhausted -- both physically and mentally -- and so I am going lay down quietly on the side of my mountain, just shy of the top, and rest for a bit. And, as I lay here, I can look around with wonder at how far I have climbed and reflect on how beautiful the climb has been at times. I know that sounds crazy to say, but it's true. I remember my friend, Cathy, telling me early on that during my cancer journey "blessings will unfold before me that I might never have recognized otherwise" and this is so true. In much the same way that other parts of this journey have fallen miraculously into place (such as having Michael and Miranda as neighbors, meeting Isabelle and Denis in church, having my liver freckle open the way for me to have surgery at UCSF, etc), I think that it's also fortuitous that my treatment is ending shortly before Thanksgiving. I cannot imagine a more amazing thing to be thankful for than the blessing of life and the love of friends and family that I have been given this year.

Ten Thousand

Can I just point out a really amazing fact?? As of today, there have been more than ten thousand visits to my blog.

TEN FREAKING THOUSAND!!

That means that an about 40 people have visited my site every day since I started writing. Friends have visited to check in on me and see how I am doing, or to hear about my progress in my climb up the mountain, or to hear all of my learnings about how to live a healthier life, or just to hear my ramblings about life in general. And I cannot tell you how amazing this makes me feel; I am stunned beyond words. Ten thousand visits in nine months!

I have obviously watched my little traffic counter inch its way up each day, but I think the enormity of what it means truly hit me today. There are tears running down my face right now as I write and I can't help but be reminded of a Ray Carver poem that I published a couple months ago (and which I framed and gave to Bonnie before she died):


And did you get what you wanted
from this life, even so?

I did.

And what did you want?

To call myself beloved.
To feel myself beloved on this earth.


I feel beloved. Because of the love and support from each of you, I can called myself beloved. And in the end, I think that is really all any of us can ask for in life. So thank you for taking this journey with me -- I could not have done it alone.

Chemicals in Children

Check out this CNN article about the high level of chemicals in children...It's scary!!

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/10/22/body.burden/index.html

Treatment Delayed

I just got a sweet note from my aunt wishing me luck tomorrow for my last chemo session and I realized "Yikes -- I need to update my blog!!"

You see, I am not going to do my last chemo tomorrow. I decided (in agreement with my doctor) to delay my treatment for another week. A small group of friends have been planning a family-friendly group getaway for next weekend and I really, REALLY want to go. It's a wonderful group of friends and I would be so sad to have to miss it! And if I do chemo tomorrow then next weekend will inevitably be a bad weekend for me and we won't be able to go. When I mentioned this to my doctor, he agreed that delaying my last chemo by a week would not jeopardize my success since he has given me the maximum dosage every time and I have only had one other delay. Therefore, I willingly and enthusiastically afforded myself a much-needed emotional, soul-healing break.

So, I told my aunt that I'll hang onto her prayers and good wishes for one more week and bring them with me when I go in for my last treatment next Monday (October 29th) at 8am.

My Dad's Advice

My dad sent me the following email in response to my head lice posting:

Jules, Forgot to mention the other day...when I was a kid, parents treated lice by washing your head with kerosene. The luckiest kids were those who didn't get lice. The second luckiest were those whose parents didn't smoke. ~Pa

Ha, ha, ha!! My dad is a funny, funny guy! :)

Interpreting The China Study

Awhile back, I wrote about a book called The China Study which my oncologist, Dr Gullion, had recommended to me. In the book, the author (T Colin Campbell) shares research and a number of studies which support the hypothesis that a typical "Western" diet (which includes relatively high amounts of animal protein and fat versus a "Eastern" diet that is more typically dependent upon vegetables, fruits and grains) is linked to many of the diseases for which our culture is known, such as diabetes, cancer, heart disease. I found the book to be fascinating to read -- in particular, because the author references such a huge number of studies which all seem to point to the same conclusion, but also because Campbell seems, from all measures, to be a highly-credited and reputable nutritionist (unlike many of the other authors of diet books on the market today.) He has authored hundreds of scientific papers, sat on numerous government expert panels and has helped to shape national and international diet and health organizations, including the World Cancer Research Fund.

Despite all of these credentials, however, I have still been left with a lingering sense of doubt since reading the book...How can eating foods such as yogurt or eggs or chicken be that bad for us -- haven't people been eating these foods for hundreds of years? Is a strict vegan diet the only path to healthy living or is there some middle ground? There are obviously millions of people who eat animal-based products every day and yet live to be almost a hundred (including my Grandma and Grandpa and my Aunt Jo!) -- how can this be so if what Campbell says is true?

I have read two things recently which have helped me to make better sense of what The China Study suggests and so I wanted to share them here in case some of you are also left wondering how to interpret the book's recommendations. The first comes from a daily newsletter to which I subscribe. In it, one of the members wrote:

As a faculty member at Hawthorn University (a health and nutrition university), I have debated the validity of The China Study dozens of times with my students. I think the study has a lot of value, but I disagree with the interpretation of the data. The China Study compares apples to oranges as far as I am concerned. Comparing the rural Chinese diet, which was mostly home-grown, whole organic foods, plus a VERY active lifestyle to the American diet, which is mostly processed foods fed to sedentary people seems like a poor comparison. They did look at the difference between rural and urban Chinese, but they failed to take into account the loss of nutrients from having food transported rather than fresh, the increase in pollution, the decrease in activity, increase in processed foods. If you look at the data you will see that they found that that the rural people had higher nutrient levels in their blood.

My other issue with The China Study is that it does not take into account biochemical individuality. Each person is different, and will thrive on a different diet. There are many different diets around the world which are healthy. What they have in common is whole foods, organic foods, animal foods and foods rich in the fat-soluble nutrients. What I take away from all this is that combining a fresh, local organic diet containing some amount of animal foods and rich in fat soluble vitamins with an active lifestyle leads to vibrant health.

The second perspective on the risk of animal protein came from a book that I just finished reading called Living Downstream by Sandra Steingraber. I will write more about this book in a separate blog entry since I think that it's an extremely important book for every parent of my generation to read, but for the purposes of understanding The China Study recommendations, I want to simply share what the author says about animal protein:

Ecologically speaking, a food chain consists of a series of organisms who pass chemical energy through each other. Each link of the chain is officially referred to as a "trophic level." At the bottom are the producers: the green plants that transform sunlight into food, thereby making chemical energy available to everyone else. The primary consumers (e.g, insects) feed on the producers directly, the secondary consumers (e.g., birds, rodents, etc) feed on the primary consumers, and so forth. About 90 percent of the energy transfered from one trophic level to the next is dissipated as heat and because so much food energy is lost, fewer organisms can be supported at each succeeding level. In order to survive, therefore, each individual must consume many individuals from a lower level. Thus, as organisms continue to feed on each other, any contaminants that accumulate in living tissue -- such as pesticides -- are funneled into a smaller and smaller mass of organisms.

Because of this, we see why a diet rich in animal products exposes us to more pesticide residue than a plant-based diet alone, even though the plants are directly sprayed. For the most part, the flesh of animals we eat contains more pesticides than the grasses and grains we feed to these animals. Indeed, the largest contributors to total adult intake of chlorinated insecticides are dairy products, meat, fish, and poultry. Similarly, the FDA's Total Diet Study, which regularly monitors the concentration of contaminants in cooked, table-ready foods, continues to find traces of DDT (a pesticide banned more than 30 years ago!) in many types of food, but particularly those of animal origin.

As someone who has taken more statistics classes than I care to remember, I find that I agree whole-heartedly with the first perspective: while I think that Campbell is on to something important, I don't think that he is necessarily comparing apples to apples. You cannot compare a largely organic, locally-grown, highly-vegetarian Chinese diet to a largely non-organic, industrialized (and hence, not locally grown), non-vegetarian Western diet and reach solid conclusions. There are just too many variables! There is no way of knowing whether animal products are bad in and of themselves or whether they are bad because they are not locally grown or if they are bad because they are not organic (and hence, contain significantly higher levels of toxins than a vegetarian-based diet). Teasing apart these issues would require numerous, complex studies. Some of these are likely going on today, but I have not read about any yet.

And so we're left to draw our own conclusions. For what it's worth, my family still eats animal products, although much less than we used to. Furthermore, we try, whenever possible, to make sure that we are buying products from animals that are organic and/or grass-fed. What does this mean on a day-to-day basis? Well, our kids still enjoy butter on their toast every morning, although now it's organic butter; I still pack organic cheese sticks in their lunch; they enthusiastically wolf down hot dogs every couple weeks (albeit nitrate-free hot dogs made from healthy, grass-fed cattle that are hormone and anti-biotic free!); we regularly eat meals such as lasagna or mac & cheese; and 4-5 times a week we eat some sort of meat for dinner, although we tend to stick with wild fish or free-range chicken, rather than red meat (beef, pork, ham, etc.) Furthermore, our proportion of animal products to veggies/fruits/grains has changed quite a bit since I was diagnosed. As I mentioned before, animal products used to constitute about ~50-75% of our diet but now they represent only about 30% (about 10% for me.) Instead, we stuff our kids full of tons of fruits and veggies (I literally pack them 2-3 fruits and/or veggies every day in their school lunches) and loads of fresh whole grains (bread, pasta, muffins, etc -- all made with minimal, wholesome ingredients.) These are the things which now make up ~75% of their diet.

I'll be the first to admit that I don't know what the right answer is regarding The China Study recommendations; I am also struggling to figure out the right balance of foods to live a healthy life. But I feel comfortable that the way that my family eats now makes sense and is much healthier than how we used to eat. I learned the hard way not to take my body for granted, and from my new "no regrets" perspective, I feel like I can't go wrong by sticking with organic, whole foods that come from the Earth.

When we try to pick out anything by itself we find that it is bound fast by a thousand invisible cords that cannot be broken, to everything else in the universe.

~ John Muir (1838 - 1914)

Good news!! An article on Yahoo today talks about the death rate for cancer dropping thanks in large part to the progress made in recent years against colorectal cancer. Yippee!!

Cancer death rates dropping fast

October 15, 2007 08:05:18 PM PST

Good news on the cancer front: Death rates are dropping faster than ever, thanks to new progress against colorectal cancer.

A turning point came in 2002, scientists conclude Monday in the annual "Report to the Nation" on cancer. Between 2002 and 2004, death rates dropped by an average of 2.1 percent a year.

That may not sound like much, but between 1993 and 2001, deaths rates dropped on average 1.1 percent a year.

The big change was a two-pronged gain against colorectal cancer.

While it remains the nation's No. 2 cancer killer, deaths are dropping faster for colorectal cancer than for any other malignancy — by almost 5 percent a year among men and 4.5 percent among women.

One reason is that colorectal cancer is striking fewer people, the report found. New diagnoses are down roughly 2.5 percent a year for both men and women, thanks to screening tests that can spot precancerous polyps in time to remove them and thus prevent cancer from forming.

Still, only about half the people who need screening — over age 50 —gets checked.

"If we're seeing such great impact even at 50 percent screening rates, we think it could be much greater if we could get more of the population tested," said Dr. Elizabeth Ward of the American Cancer Society, who co-wrote the report with government scientists.

The other gain is the result of new treatments, which are credited with doubling survival times for the most advanced patients.

In 1996, there was just one truly effective drug for colon cancer. Today, there are six more, giving patients a variety of chemotherapy cocktails to try to hold their tumors in check, said Dr. Louis Weiner, medical oncology chief at Philadelphia's Fox Chase Cancer Center and a colorectal cancer specialist.

"I can tell you the offices of gastrointestinal oncologists around the country, and indeed around the world, are busier than ever because our patients are doing better," he said.

No More Phthalates in California Toys! Yippee!

The bill passed!! The bill passed!! Governor Schwarzenegger signed legislation today that forbids companies from manufacturing, selling or distributing toys and childcare products in the state of California which contain phthalates (see the press release below.) You might remember, these are the chemicals which I talked about a while back which can be found in many flexible plastic products, including things like baby bottle nipples, bath toys, pacifiers, etc. Given how enormous the California market is, I have to believe that this legislation will make companies stop and take notice and hopefully change their practices across the board. Phthalates should NEVER have been used in children's products in the first place, but better late than never. It things like this that make me LOVE living in California!!

Governor Schwarzenegger Signs Legislation to Protect Children from Toxic Toys

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has signed legislation to protect the health of our state’s children by prohibiting the use of phthalates in toys and childcare products designed for babies and children under three years of age.

“We must take this action to protect our children,” said Gov. Schwarzenegger. “These chemicals threaten the health and safety of our children at critical stages of their development.”

AB 1108 by Assemblymember Fiona Ma (D-San Francisco) will protect the health of our state’s children by preventing exposure to toxic chemicals. Specifically, this bill will prohibit the manufacturing, sale and distribution of toys and child care products intended for use by children under the age of three that contain phthalates. Scientific research has shown that these chemicals have a number of negative health effects, including links to cancer and reproductive defects.

Led by the Secretary for Environmental Protection, the Governor has called for the establishment of a Green Chemistry Initiative to develop policy options for implementing green chemistry policies. Instead of making chemical policy through the legislature on a case by case basis, the goal of this initiative is to work with scientists from California and around the world to evaluate the health effects of chemicals and possible alternatives in a comprehensive manner.

“A comprehensive and unified approach is needed to ensure good accountable policy and I encourage the legislature and all interested parties to participate in the development of this important initiative,” said Gov. Schwarzenegger.

Head Lice Treatment

I was just sorting through some of Luke's school papers and came across an information sheet about head lice. Anyone reading this who has children has undoubtedly had to at least think about these nasty little critters, since they seem to go hand-in-hand with the beginning of every school year.

What caused me to pause as I read the literature, however, is the fact that the only treatment plan to get rid of head lice that is recommended by our school district is a product called NIX. Luckily, Pete and I have not had to deal with head lice in our family yet, but I can assure you that if/when we do, I will not be dousing my children's heads with NIX!

The NIX website describes the product as containing "permethrin." A quick online search lead me to Wikipedia, which described permethrin as follows:

Permethrin is a common synthetic chemical, widely used as an insecticide, an acaricide and as an insect repellent. It belongs to the family of synthetic chemicals called pyrethroids and functions as a neurotoxin. Its use is controversial since, as a broad-spectrum chemical, it kills indiscriminately; as well as the intended pests, it can harm beneficial insects including honey bees, aquatic life, and small mammals such as mice.

And herein lies the problem with pesticides....they are designed to kill living, celled beings. They don't discriminate between the cells of a lice nit and the cells in your child's body. There have to be other options, I thought! Head lice has been around for years....what did parents do before the development of synthetic pesticides?

It took me another 10 seconds to research "natural treatment for head lice" and I came up with a number of options, the most compelling of which is to completely coat your child's hair with olive oil and let it stand for 30 minutes. The logic being that "The oil covers the lice and eggs, preventing them from breathing. Unlike pesticides, suffocation does not seem to be something lice can build up immunity against!" Granted, this particular treatment method requires multiple applications and so might not work quite as quickly as a product such as NIX, but in my opinion, getting rid of head lice quickly is not worth the risk of applying a known neurotoxin to my child's body.

Like I said, we have never had to actually deal with the problem of head lice in our home (and hopefully we never will!) and so maybe I am truly naive as to how horrible the problem of head lice can be, but from where I stand today and from all that I have read these past 9 months about pesticides, I would be extremely hard pressed to use NIX or any similar product on my child's body just for the sake of getting rid of head lice faster.

Definitely let me know if you have have tried other natural treatment options that have been successful so that I can pass the word along to fellow parents! And if you want more information about the olive oil option, click here.

Lastly, I know that there are a handful of teachers and administrators from Luke's school who are faithful readers of my blog...Please let me know how I can help to gather and disseminate information out to parents about ways to get rid of head lice in a more natural way! I want to help!

My Boys!

Here's a great pic of my super-star hubby and my two little cutie-pies (taken at Half Moon Bay a couple weekends ago) ...


And one of the whole family taken at the stunning Ritz Carlton Resort at Half Moon Bay (and, no, we did not actually stay at this $600/night resort....we were merely squatters for the afternoon. But, boy oh boy, is it ever beautiful!!! If only I had an extra $600 to blow...Ha!)

Lead in Lipstick

Not sure if you saw this article about lead in lipstick or not, so I thought I would pass it along....You can read the entire article by clicking here.

Lipsticks Contain Lead
ATLANTA (Reuters) -- Lipsticks tested by a U.S. consumer rights group found that more than half contained lead and some popular brands including Cover Girl, L'Oreal and Christina Dior had more lead than others, the group said.

The Campaign for Safe Cosmetics said tests on 33 brand-name red lipsticks by the Bodycote Testing Group in Santa Fe Spring, California, found that 61 percent had detectable lead levels of 0.03 to 0.65 parts per million (ppm).

Lipstick, like candy, is ingested. The Campaign for Safe Cosmetics, a coalition of public health, environmental and women's groups, said the FDA has not set a limit for lead in lipstick.

One-third of the lipsticks tested contained an amount of lead that exceeded the US Food & Drug Administration's 0.1 ppm limit for lead in candy -- a standard established to protect children from ingesting lead, the group said.

"Lead builds up in the body over time and lead-containing lipstick applied several times a day, every day, can add up to significant exposure levels. The latest studies show there is no safe level of lead exposure," said Dr. Mark Mitchell, president of the Connecticut Coalition for Environmental Justice.


If you want to see how your own lipsticks fare, check out the Skin Deep website.

Helpful Links

I added few new links to my blog (see Links to Helpful Websites to the right.) These are websites which I have found helpful in my quest for more information about healthy living. Check them out if you are interested...

p.s. The "Ideal Bite" newsletter is a great one! Don't be put off by the fact that you have to choose between the San Francisco and the Seattle newsletter versions -- about 75% of what they write in each newsletter applies to anyone, regardless of geography.

Light the Night Walk

Because I will hopefully be feeling better next week, I have decided to take part in a fund-raiser for Leukemia & Lymphoma called Light the Night. Light The Night is the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's annual fund-raising walk to celebrate and commemorate lives touched by cancer. Each fall, teams of friends, families, and co-workers gather in cities and towns across America where they walk in twilight, holding illuminated balloons - white for survivors and red for supporters. I will be participating in the 3-mile walk next Thursday, October 18 at 5pm in memory and honor of my good friend, Bonnie, who died of leukemia on August 9, 2007 at the age of 40.

As I said in an earlier blog, I feel strongly that I must continue to carry the torch for Bonnie. It's part of the "debt" that I owe for being allowed to step back from the edge, when so many other young moms affected by cancer cannot. And I know that this is what Bonnie would have done for me if our situations were reversed.

If you live in the Bay Area and are free to join me that night for the walk, please send me an email and I'll give you all the details. Or if you cannot join in the walk, but are interested in making a donation to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society by sponsoring me for this walk, click here. Please DO NOT feel obligated to donate, however -- REALLY!! The most important thing that you can do is to just keep me and Bonnie (and every other young mom affected by cancer) in your thoughts and prayers on October 18th.

Our Fortuitous Wedding Cake

I have never really been one for following tradition. I think this because I have a creative streak in me that makes me want to perpetually put my own personal stamp on things. Over this past weekend, one of the very fun things that Pete and I did was to bring along a box full of all our wedding photos. The intent was to finally (yes, TEN years later!) sort and organize all the photos, but instead we found ourselves caught up in re-living our wedding weekend and reminiscing about all the wonderful moments -- which was far more fun, albeit less productive! In the process, I came across a number of photos and memorabilia which reminded me of the many ways that I tried to creatively personalize our wedding. For example, I designed our programs myself (and I still LOVE them to this day!). I chose wildflower arrangements for our ceremony, rather than more traditional roses or such, since the wildflowers reminded me of the many springtime camping and hiking trips which Pete and I had taken together. We opted for an outdoor wedding in the beautiful Arizona desert as a way to celebrate our mutual love of the outdoors, despite the fact that the Catholic church would not recognize this as an official marriage. In fact, we were forced to have a small, private ceremony at a local church the day before in order to make the marriage "official" in the eyes of the church, but to this day, Pete and I still consider our outdoor ceremony to be our real anniversary. And lastly, I attempted to create a unique and meaningful cake. I remember looking at all the various traditional wedding cake pictures and yawning with boredom. I wanted a cake that reflected our lives and would be meaningful and memorable. And so I instructed the cake decorator to design a cake in the shape of a mountain with a trail winding up the side and two pairs of chocolate hiking boots at the top. And in looking at the photo ten years later, "memorable" is an understatement! Even I have to admit that it was not the most attractive cake! Ha! But at the time, a mountain seemed perfect.

The first vacation that Pete and I ever took was camping in Alaska. I remember being completely overwhelmed by how enormous the mountains were there (along with everything else in Alaska!) and how incredibly insignificant I felt surrounded by them. It was a life defining moment, to say the least. I also remember coming back from that vacation and telling a friend "I am going to marry that guy someday!" even though Pete and I had only been together for four months at the time. There are some things that you just know, and this was one of them.

And "mountains" have continued to play a large role in our relationship...We both have fond memories of camping in the Smokey Mountains before we were married; of vacationing in the rocky, mountainous terrain of the Greek islands; of honeymooning in the Dolomites and Alps of Italy; and of hiking the numerous, breath-taking mountains that surround our home today. However, our wedding cake perhaps most appropriately foretold the incredible mountain that Pete and I have climbed together this past year. There is no other mountain that has come close to this one and, hopefully, this will be the largest and hardest mountain that we ever have to climb.

Cancer is not for the faint of heart, nor is it for a marriage that is on the rocks. Given my experience and stories that I have heard, I have to believe that a cancer diagnosis either strengthens or breaks a marriage -- there is no room for middle ground. Luckily, Pete and I fall into the former camp. Pete is the most amazing guy that I have ever met and I still pinch myself today -- ten years later -- when I think of how lucky I am to have him as my husband and as the father of my children. He is extremely funny, incredibly smart, super disciplined in everything that he does, probably the most honest person I have ever known, and extremely determined when he sets his mind to something. I remember shortly after my diagnosis, he declared "This is my fight as much as it's yours and I have no intention of losing." I am truly blessed to have him in my life.

Someday, in the not so distant future, Pete and I will be at the top of this crazy mountain of mine and I know that we will look down with awe and wonder at how far we actually climbed and how steep and scary the mountain really was. It's been a monumental climb in so many ways, and I will be forever grateful that Pete was my climbing partner for I honestly don't think that I would be where I am today (or who I am today!) were it not for him.

And so, in hindsight, I think that our wedding cake was perfect. It was fortuitous and beautiful. It reflects the shared story of our lives.

Anniversary Weekend

Pete and I are safely (albeit sadly!) home from our romantic, anniversary getaway to the Sierra mountains. We had a fabulous time -- loads of relaxation; spa-ing (we both tried the famed "hot stone massage" and I'm happy to report that it's reputation as the "Mercedes of Massages" is well deserved!); work-outs; reading; movie watching (5 movies in 5 nights!); yum, yum YUMMMMY food; and breath-taking scenery.

As predicted, the weather was chilly (we actually woke up to snow the first morning!) but it made for a very cozy and beautiful weekend. And as you'll see from the pics, the contrast between the snow-capped mountains and the fall foliage was unbelievably gorgeous.

The resort was not super kid-friendly, which was just fine by us...As much as I love my little munchkins, kids and "relaxing romance" do not necessarily co-exist seamlessly (especially with a 2-year-old whose new favorite phrase is "No! I do it!" followed by hysterical theatrics.) So we wouldn't necessarily recommend Double Eagle Resort for a family vacation, but if anyone reading this is looking for an amazing, adults-only getaway within a few hours drive of SF, it's worth checking out.

Click here to see pics from the weekend.

p.s. We made it home late Monday night, relieved my weary parents of their babysitting duties, had a wonderful night sleep and then made it in for my second-to-last Folfox appt bright and early Tuesday morning. Seven down, only ONE more to go! YIPPEEEEE!!!

Quick Update

Well, as it turns out, the downside of my feeling better is that my poor blog does not get updated as frequently! This is a "good" week and I have been feeling better since Sunday, so have been trying to pack lots of fun living into these past few days, including a trip to Half Moon Bay with Pete, the kids and my in-laws; a couple blood-pumping, chemo-circulating workouts; a very fun, ever-enlightening and laughter-filled visit from my old college roommate Ami; and a couple wonderful dinners with my in-laws and my parents (who have returned safely from visiting my grandma and my sister's family.)

And now I just finished packing like a crazy woman since Pete and I are heading off tomorrow for a 10th anniversary romantic getaway. We are going to a "adventure resort" (Double Eagle Resort) just east of Yosemite for 5 days of hiking, biking, spa-ing, and relaxing....ahhhh, I cannot wait!! This is exactly what I need to recharge my batteries before heading into chemo cycle #7 and exactly what Pete and I need to reconnect after many months of craziness. The only downside is that the HIGH temperature on Friday is projected to be 29 degrees - Yike! Oh well, I guess we'll just have to stay inside and snuggle! :)

Needless to say, you won't be hearing from me until next week, but know that we are off relaxing and enjoying life!